i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
