I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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