dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
