I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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