He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Still dying that you shit outside
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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