Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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