this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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