she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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