Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
