Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
