you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
