This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
