**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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