She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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