Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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