That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
