Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased