Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Be still, my beating vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.