Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.