I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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