He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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