I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.