the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.