So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?