he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
