I bet he comes in French.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
