I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
