dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
