just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
