How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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