I'd wear matching sweaters with you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
