the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
