woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You need Xanax blowdarts
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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