Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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