Ketchup is God's man juice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
