I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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