Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
