so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
