Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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