my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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