we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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