Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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