It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
