The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
