I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
