And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
