im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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