it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
