I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
