Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
