i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
