Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
