help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
