i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
