i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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