i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
