Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
