from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
