I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize